Life is shit sometimes

“Life is shit sometimes.” I’ve said this to my kids a lot. No sugar-coating. No platitudes. No pretending that everything always works out if you just try hard enough. Because it doesn’t always.

And today (GCSE results day), I’ve seen that truth play out – online, and amongst friends and family. Joy and heartbreak. Celebration and despair.

Kids and families who’ve done everything right and still ended up crushed. Not because they failed, but because life (and the exam system) doesn’t always reward effort -or take account of different brains, different personality types, different life circumstances.

And I’m tired of pretending it does.

We need to start being honest with our kids about this so that they don’t pin their self-worth to something so temporary, fragile and unpredictable as exam results, job interviews or promotions.

I know, because I believed that lie myself; I grew up thinking hard work was the answer to everything. It was my identity. My armour. My coping mechanism. I worked myself to the bone, thinking good grades would guarantee a good life. And for a while, it looked like it might.

Until it didn’t.

Nobody asked me what I wanted to do. I followed the script: go to uni, get the degree, everything will fall into place. But for a while, nothing did. In my early 20s, I found myself directionless, in a job I hated, wondering what on earth had gone wrong.

That was my first real lesson in how unfair the world can be.

And there have been many more reminders since. The things no one prepares you for: Illness. Grief. Financial pressures. Heartbreak.

They don’t wait for the right time. They don’t respect your plans.
They crash into your life - midway through exam prep, just before interviews, in the middle of “what should’ve been” your best year - and derail everything.

Not because you didn’t try. But because life doesn’t wait for convenience.

So here’s what I’ve come to believe:

Yes, life can be shit sometimes.
Yes, people who slack off sometimes get ahead.
Yes, disappointment comes when we expect one thing and get another.

But here’s the other (far more empowering) truth I’ve learned:
There is always another path.
Not just one. Many.

And sometimes, the one you never planned for ends up being the one that fits you best.

In his book, Resilience, Being the Phoenix, Michael Hall shares the concept, “not me, not everywhere, not forever,” which I find super helpful during difficult times:

• Not me - This moment doesn’t define who I am.

• Not everywhere - Just because one thing went wrong, doesn’t mean everything is broken.

• Not forever - This will pass. Things change. I’ll grow through this.

We need to teach this kind of resilience to our kids - not the toxic positivity that says “just try harder” or “everything happens for a reason.”

Because sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it just sucks.

Let them hear that.

Let them feel that.

So that they can let it go and allow other opportunities in.

Because maybe - just maybe - that gap between what we expected and what we got? That’s where the real magic begins.

Some of the best things in life come from a quiet conversation, a small detour, a decision you made when everything else was falling apart.

Life might not be fair. But it is an adventure.

If today didn’t go the way you hoped, please remember this:

You’re not broken.
You’re just on a different path.
And it might just lead somewhere extraordinary.